Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
