she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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