Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize