i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
