I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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