my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
