No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
