Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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