I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
