he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think your dad took our porno
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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