she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
