Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
