Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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