Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
