I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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