the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
