Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
