but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
