Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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