we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
