absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
