So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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