so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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