Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
