K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
