so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize