i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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