Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize