In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
