so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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