it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
