oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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