Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
