just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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