First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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