No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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