Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
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