Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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