just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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