I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
