update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
