Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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