So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
