I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
