well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
