I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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