Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
