Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
