Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
