I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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