If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
