So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
