my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
