i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
