And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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