does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
