awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she peed on how many people?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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