uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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