well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
