I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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