I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
