Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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