Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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