A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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