So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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