i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
