Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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