I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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