I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
