It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
