Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
