Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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