Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
