I am in a vortex of obligation.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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