Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
